One of the keys to effective trolling on the internet is to find an emotional hot-button topic and post where there is an engaged audience. Traditionally this has meant things like posting birth certificate requests on liberal website posts about Obama, or atheist rants on Christian testimonials. Allow me to suggest a new option, virtually guaranteed to be as effective and rewarding as any of the prior methods.
It’s time to troll SEO
There’s no more engaged audience right now, and they’ll even link to articles they don’t agree with just to ridicule them. With all of the recent algorithm changes, Links are power on the internet, so if you do this right it can reap rewards.
Even better, it doesn’t matter if you don’t actually know anything about SEO. It might even be better as the righteous ones will point out factual errors for you. If you do actually know SEO, you can always post gossipy items or pick fights with some industry leaders. It’s a can’t miss opportunity.
Here’s the step by step plan of action.
- Read something topical about SEO. If you find it too long, just pick up on a single comment or skim the headline. It’s not research, you just need to find a few buzzwords and topics that are hot.
- Formulate an opinion diametrically opposed to the article (trolls: that means say the opposite) Controversy wins here. We’re trying to pick a fight, so use fighting words where ever possible.
- Write an inflammatory headline. SEO is dead is over played, so it needs to go deeper. Theses guys and girls have been called Snake Oil salesmen so often it doesn’t even hurt anymore. Google picks up on about 176,000 results for that. Threaten the very core of what they do. An excellent example is “Any SEO could harm your site” I’m going to try “SEO is a virus to Google” next.
- Push it out to Twitter and Google+ I said it, Google+. SEOs actually use that thing in the hope that one day it will influence rankings. Since apparently no one else is on there it’s a great way to get attention from the group.
- Allow Comments This is where the gold is. SEOs will come running to defend the industry like White Knights to a damsel in distress. They’ll even promote it to their friends so the posse can come set you straight. As if you care.
- Profit Watch those sweet pageviews and even links just come pouring in. Who cares if you’ve made an industry publication look like an ill-informed hack. Some ads have been sold. Mission freaking accomplished.
Now go trolls and make it happen. Adding value to the discourse and trying to make the web a better place isn’t nearly as fun as pissing people off. Community is overrated.